Unrequited Love for Valentine’s Day

Unrequited Love – What an appropriate topic for the day before Valentine’s Day, huh?

Unrequited love. What a bitch it is, how it eats at us, how it kills our self-worth and our value, how it makes us wish well for someone who doesn’t wish the same for us. People say that loving is more important than being loved. While that may be true, it doesn’t make it easier to handle. It boy-girl-love-picture-Favim.com-1326341doesn’t ease our pain. It doesn’t help us stop crying when we think of that person with someone else… or even worse, that person alone and feeling lonely, with you there wishing you could bring them the same peace they often bring you. You want so badly to be their answer, to have your words “I love you” actually matter, actually make a difference in how they feel about themselves, to know that your love means something to them, means something at all……… but it doesn’t.

Then you spiral into a mixture of feeling wonderful to know such love, to see such beauty in another… and then the self-hatred hits. You bounce from smiling every time you think of that person… to beating yourself up for falling for someone you knew you couldn’t get. You bounce from loving every moment you share with them… to berating yourself for being so tragically addicted to a situation that’s causing you so much pain. You jump from feeling hopeful that someone someday may love you the way you love this person… to the scolding, for allowing yourself to love so naively. You tell yourself you’re a good person, capable of true love because you’d rather see them happy with someone else than miserable with you. You tell yourself you’re stupid and silly, a ridiculous child with absurd fantasies and unrealistic expectations.

All of this, this dichotomy, these manic jumps from bliss to torture, all of this born of love. Love can indeed hurt.

So how do you survive it? How do you keep from feeling that burn in your chest every time they mention caring about someone else the way you wished they cared about you? How do you keep yourself from obsessing, constantly thinking about them, drowning in tears and the “I wish, I wish, I wish” nonsense? You can’t stay away from them, but you’re reminded of their disinterest every moment. It’s blatant masochism… why do we torture ourselves like this?

The answer is… I don’t have the answer, I’m sorry. For me, what helped was thinking of that thought I self-lovereferred to earlier… loving is more important than being loved. Somehow, for some reason, knowing that I can love someone so selflessly makes me feel better about my very nature, my humanity. To know that, despite my insisting that I hate people, I am capable of loving some. The unrequited love still kills me, no doubt, but it’s a pain I’d rather suffer when compared with how I’d feel if I wasn’t capable of loving at all.

Love is a bitch, but a necessary one.
Happy Valentine’s Day to the lovers out there!
I hope you love someone selflessly; yesterday, today, and tomorrow.


8 thoughts on “Unrequited Love for Valentine’s Day

  1. I feel your pain. I was single for the better part of 20 years, with brief relationships here and there. Sometimes it took me longer to get over people than I had even dated them for. Even if I recognized in hindsight that they were jerks, not well-suited to me, etc. As much as it sucks dating someone who’s genuinely a wonderful person but you know you’re never going to be totally into them, it sucks even more feeling like you love someone who can’t love you back the way you need them to.

    Anyway, a few years ago I read this book: http://www.attachedthebook.com
    It totally changed my mindset and the way I approached dating. The quality of people I went out with after that went way up, and I stopped wasting my time trying to make things work with people who I knew weren’t really right for me. A couple of months after I read the book, I met the perfect guy for me, who was totally willing and able to open his heart to me. So, seriously, read “Attached,” it might just change your life. (And no, I don’t make any money from recommending it. 🙂 )

    If you want to know a little bit more about the book, here’s a blog post I wrote comparing it to “The Rules”: http://blog.karenjoslin.net/2013/02/14/attached-vs-rules/

    I hope you find a wonderful person soon, who really appreciates you! (And of course, who you feel the same way about.)

    Liked by 1 person

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